Forgotten Past 2: Oneshots
by TMNTTLK lover
Summary: this is a series of oneshot from the brothers' and Miwa's POV during my story Forgotten Past 2.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Ok Folks some added bonuses. This story is going to be a series of one shots on the brothers' and Miwa's POV during the two months after Splinter's death at the end of my story. It starts right after the final battle with Shredder. Enjoy. And sadly I still don't own TMNT.**

 **Forgotten Past 2 One Shots**

 **Ch 1 Leo's POV**

It just all seamed so unreal. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. We had won. Shredder was dead and gone. But not at a cost. Splinter had paid the ultimate price. I still couldn't believe he was gone. It just seamed like some horrible nightmare. Even we we got home and I bid my siblings and friends goodnight it didn't seam real. The only thing that made it real was the constant stab of pain I felt in my plastron reminding me that there had been a battle. I tried to sleep but after tossing and turning for hours I soon gave up on sleep. Sitting up I hissed in pain as the movement tugged at my injured plastron. Ignoring the pain I threw back the covers and walked out of my room. Looking around I saw the lair was pitch black and eeirly silent. Not to surprising considering it was 2:30 am. Heading towards the kitchen I decided to get a drink. Turning on the light I let out a cry of surprise when I saw Casey sitting at the table, sound asleep. I guess I startled him too because he let out a shout and toppled backwards out of his chair and onto the ground. "Leo!" he cried out his black eyes wide. "You scared the Hell outta me."

"I scared you?!" I cried holding my plastron, which was burning in pain from the sudden movement. "What the Hell are you doing sitting here in the dark at this hour? Shouldn't you be home?"

"Yeah I probably should be," Casey said sitting back down in the chair he had just fixed. "But I just wanted to make sure everything was cool here. You know considering what happened."

"Yeah," I said, letting out a heavy sigh. "I just can't believe this is happening."

"I can't believe Donnie killed someone," Casey exclaimed. "I mean who knew that Donnie had it in him to be a killer?"

"I guess when it comes down to it we all do," I said. But the more I thought about the more I worried about it. Donnie, my little brother who was the least violent of any of us, had killed someone. I knew how sensitive he was and that concerned me even more. I kept thinking about how he had burned Shredder's body and how strange he had acted when we were leaving. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I jumped, startled by the touch.

"Dude take it easy," Casey said jerking back his hand.

"Sorry," I muttered. Then suddenly I felt a sharp stab of pain go through my plastron and I let out a groan in spite of myself.

"You ok Leo?" Casey asked, looking at me with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine Casey," I said, trying not to let out another groan.

"Dude you should really be resting," Casey said. "You don't look so good."

"Well thanks a lot," I said, rolling my blue eyes at him. "But I think you're right. I should go to bed. Goodnight." With that I headed to bed, although I knew it would be pointless to try to sleep.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

The next morning I woke up to a pair of hands pushing lightly on my plastron. "Wha.." I muttered opening my eyes. I expected to see Donnie standing there but instead I saw Mikey.

"Sorry Leo didn't mean to wake you up," Mikey said, with a guilty look.

"What are you doing?" I asked sitting up.

"Just making sure you were ok," Mikey said. "I knocked on Donnie's door but he didn't answer so I figured I'd let him sleep and check on you myself. How ya feeling?"

"I'm ok I guess," I said rubbing my face. Then I looked at my little brother and I could tell he wanted to say something. "You ok Mikey?" I asked.

"Yeah," Mikey said, after a minute. "I'm fine Leo."

"You know you can tell me if something bothering you," I said.

"I'm good bro," Mikey said with a small smile. I could tell he was lying but I decided not to push it. I knew how much Mikey hated that. So instead I slowly got out of bed. Mikey reached out to help me but I held my hand up. "I got it Mikey." Then together we walked to the kitchen. To my surprise I saw Raph cooking.

"Leo you should be in bed," Raph said, looking angry.

"Well good morning to you to Raph," I muttered, rolling my eyes as I sat down. I felt a tug on my plastron and I winced. Unfortunately for me Raph noticed and let out a groan. "Raph..." I began. But to my shock Raph didn't say anything. Instead he walked over to me and picked me up and carried me out of the room. "Raph what are you doing?" I demanded. We passed Miwa on the way to my room and she gave us a confused look. Once we go into my room Raph put me in bed and covered me over.

"We can do this two ways Leo," he said. "Either you stay in bed willingly or I tie ya to the bed. Your choice. Either way you ain't gettin' out of this bed 'til your healed. Got it?"

"Raph.." I began. But I was cut off by my brother's angry shout.

"I ain't gonna argue with ya Leo!" he growled. His green eyes were filled with emotion. But it wasn't anger. It was an emotion I rarely saw in Raph. It was fear. Fear of losing someone else close to him.

"Leo Raph is just concerned about you," Miwa said gently sitting on the edge of my bed. "We all are."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "And I know I should be resting. And I'll do better about that. I promise."

"Damn right you are," Mikey said suddenly. I looked at him with surprise and he said. "I won't lose you too Leo. I'll make damn sure of that. I won't lose you like we lost Father." Then without another word he turned and left the room. Miwa let out a sigh as she watched our youngest brother leave.

"He's taking this all so hard," she whispered. "I tried talking to him but he just says he's fine and gets angry when I push. And now Donnie..." Miwa trailed off.

"Donnie'll be ok," I said. "And so will Mikey. We all will. We just need some time to process all of this."

"Yeah," Raph said after a minute. "Maybe Mikey and Donnie should talk to Sp..." My red masked brother stopped mid-sentence as he realized his error. Letting out a grunt he turned and left the room as well, Miwa following close behind him. This left me alone. Letting out a sigh I decided to try to get some sleep. But my mind kept going to the events of yesterday. That's when it hit me. And I mean really hit me. Splinter was gone. Forever. I was never going to see him again. I was now in charge of my family. I had promised Splinter long ago if anything ever happened to him I'd take care of my family. It was my job as the oldest son to do so. Its funny how at just sixteen years old I'm already having the responsibilities of an grown adult. But I knew I had to do it. If Mikey, who is younger than me, can handle being the leader of the Foot then I can handle this. I would not fail my family. No matter what it took I would make sure my brothers and my sister were taken care of. But first that meant getting myself fully healed so I could continue my training. But I couldn't even begin to imagine how I could train without Splinter being there. I couldn't imagine doing anything without him being there. All of a sudden I really missed him. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I closed my eyes and allowed them to come out. I don't know how long I layed there just mourning for my father but after a while I wiped my eyed and I turned on my side and tired to get some sleep. But I knew this would be an almost impossible feat to achieve.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Two weeks past and I was feeling much better. Raph and Miwa had been checking on me almost 24/7. Mikey came whenever he could but he was busy with his new position. April and Casey had been dropping in on me everyday after school. The only one I hadn't seen was Donnie and that worried me. Miwa told me that she'd been checking on him but he barley acknowledged she was there. On this particular day I was talking to Miwa about how she'd been helping Mikey decided how to handle a situation in Japan. They had decided to let Kito's 2nd in command, Keno, handle things and he had returned to Japan. I was about to ask about Donnie when suddenly we heard a loud crash. Exchanging looks of concern Miwa and I got up and went into the living room. When we got there to our shock we saw Casey on the ground rubbing his head with Donnie looming over him. "Donnie?" I said walking towards my purple masked brother. "You ok?"

"What happened?" Miwa asked, helping Casey to his feet.

"He got in my way," Donnie said his voice monotoned. "He should know what happens when you get in my way."

"Hey man all I did was ask if you were ok," Casey said angrily. "But clearly you're not since you just shoved me for no reason."

"Donnie what's going on with you?" I asked, standing in front of my brother. Donnie said nothing. He only stared at me. Just stared. It honestly creeped me out a little because there was no expression on his face. And his brown eyes, which were normally sparkling were dull. "C'mon bro," I said gently. "Talk to me. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing is going on with me," Donnie said without emotion. "Nothing at all. Because that's all my life is now. Nothing." Then without another word Donnie turned and left the room.

"He's been like that ever since he killed Shredder," Raph said, suddenly appearing.

"I know," Miwa said with a sigh. "I'm really worried about him." I opened my mouth to say something when suddenly Mikey came into the lair looking like he'd been put through the ringer. "Mikey!" Miwa exclaimed running over towards our brother.

"What the Hell happened to you?" Raph chimed in, his green eyes wide. Mikey was covered in bruises and cuts and had bloody knuckles.

"I'm fine," was all Mikey said. "I'm going to bed." With that he turned and tried to leave the room.

"Hold it right there Mikey," Miwa said stepping in front of our youngest brother. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what's going on with you."

"Look Miwa the last time I checked you don't get to tell me what to do," Mikey snapped, his blue eyes flashing with anger. "I've got enough problems without you pestering me. The damn Purple Dragons are back and Hun's being a little bitch and trying to steal from me. Well he learned that you don't mess with the Foot and get away with it. He won't be back anytime soon."

"Hold it Mikey," I said putting my hands on his shoulder. "I think you should take it easy. You're stressing yourself out too much. It isn't good for you."

"Oh for God's sake Leo give it a rest," Mikey snapped, clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Mikey I..." I began. But I was cut off by Mikey's furious shout.

"Stop!" he shouted. "Just stop! You're not Father Leo! So stop acting like you could ever be him!"

"Mikey I wasn't..." I began. But once again I was cut off by my little brother.

"Yes you were Leo!" he shouted. "You've been trying to be Father ever since he died! Well guess what big brother? You'll never be him! No matter what you do or how hard you try you'll never be him! All you'll ever be is a failure! So don't even bother trying!" With that Mikey turned and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him. I just stood there in stunned silence. I felt the tears form in my eyes as Mikey's words sank in. He was right. I was a failure. I had failed Splinter. And I was failing my family. Donnie may as well be a zombie with the way he was acting. And Mikey. Mikey was so full of anger that he was impossible to talk to. Splinter would be so ashamed of me if he were here. I lowered my head in shame as the tears threatened to come out. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up I saw Miwa standing there.

"He didn't mean what he said Leo," she said softly. "He's just angry at the world right now."

"I know," I said with a heavy sigh. "But that doesn't make what he said any less true."

"Well he ain't gonna get away with it," Raph growled.

"Raph don't.." I began.

"No Leo Mikey doesn't get to talk to you like that," Raph declared. "He's not the only one whose dealin' with stuff here. We all lost Splinter. But that doesn't give him a free pass." Before I could respond Raph stormed out of the room. A few minutes later we heard angry shouting followed by some cursing. Walking out of the room Miwa and I went to make sure everything was ok. We saw Mikey's room door was shut but we still heard the heated fight that was happening in there. But my sister and I knew better than to try to stop it. Neither one of us wanted to end up with a black eye. So we decided to head to bed hoping that things would get better.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks passed and all was not well with my family. Raph and Mikey had stopped speaking to each other, after their huge fight which had resulted in both of them receiving black eyes and broken fingers. Donnie still hadn't gotten out of his funk and was still speaking in a monotoned voice. But this was only when he talked to anyone, which was a rare occasion. We knew this change was due to the fact he had taken a life and was having a hard time dealing with it. Me and Raph and Miwa tried to talk to him about it but he refused to discuss it. Mikey was struggling with his new role as leader of the Foot. We all knew it was because he was still feeling guilty about what had happened with Splinter. Finally one day Miwa had had enough and took her brothers to the side. "We need to talk," she declared. Me and Raph were also in the room at this point.

"Miwa I don't have the time for this," Mikey declared.

"Yes you do Mikey," Miwa said. "And you're gonna listen."

"Look we know you both are having difficulties dealing with all of this," I said. "But what happened wasn't your fault. Either one of you. Donnie you had to do what you did. Shredder wouldn't have stopped. He had to be taken care of. You've gotta stop blaming yourself. The same goes with you Mikey. There was nothing you could have done to save Splinter. Please. Both of you snap out of this. We need to stay together. Now more than ever." I was struggling to keep it together it this point, the tears threatening to come.

"Easy for you to say Leo," Donnie said softly, causing everyone to look at him. This was the first time we had heard his normal voice in weeks. "I know Shredder had to be stopped," he continued. "But its still not easy living with that fact that I killed someone."

"We know Donnie," Miwa said, kneeling in front of her brother. "And we want to help you."

"We wanna help both of you two knuckelheads," Raph said. "So talk to us."

"They do have a point Donnie," Mikey said.

"Yeah I know," Donnie said. "And I'll try."

"Yeah same here," Mikey said.

"That's better," Miwa said giving both of her brothers hugs.

"Leo," Mikey began, looking at me. "I..I'm so sorry bro. About what I said about you being a failure. I didn't mean it. I.."

"Its ok Mikey," I said wrapping my little brother up in a hug. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I love you Leo," Mikey whispered. "I love you all so much." I could feel Mikey's tears going into my plastron, but I didn't care. I knew my own tears were there as well. "I love you too little brother," I whispered.

"Raph I'm sorry," Mikey said. But Raph merely held up his hand and said, "Don't." Without another word Raph pulled Mikey close.

"Donnie anything you'd like to say?" Miwa asked looking at our purple masked brother.

"Just that I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately," Donnie said, lowering his brown eyes in shame. "Its just been so hard lately. I..I didn't know how to talk to you guys about how I was feeling. I just felt so...lost. Like with Splinter gone there was no one I could talk to. It..It just seamed like he was the only one who really understood me and knew just what to say. You know what I mean?" We all nodded in agreement. Splinter always made things better. It was who he was. Suddenly I really missed him and before I could stop myself I let out a sob. Everyone looked at me and I could feel my face turn bright red. I opened my mouth to say something but before I could Donnie said, "It's ok Leo. It's ok to miss him." I tried to respond but no words came. The only thing that came was a chocked sob. Donnie pulled me close and I cried into his shoulder for a few minutes. Then I pulled away and looked at my family with a small smile. "Feel better bro?" Donnie asked, with a small gap toothed smile.

"A little," I said, with a small smile of my own.

"C'mon you guys," Raph said with a wave of his hand. "Lets go call April and Casey and see about getting some grub."

"Sounds good to me," Mikey said. With that we went out to the living room to call our friends.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

A couple of weeks past and I was sitting with April watching TV. Donnie was in his lab while Raph and Miwa were in the dojo practicing. Mikey was meeting with Keno about some business in Japan. Suddenly Donnie came bursting out of his lab his brown eyes wide.

"Donnie what's wrong?" April asked, he blue eyes wide with concern.

"Casey just called" Donnie said. "He and Mikey need our help. Something about the Purple Dragons giving them trouble."

"Then lets go!" I shouted. I was actually kind of excited about going. This would be the first real fight we've had since Shredder's been gone. With that we gathered Raph and Miwa and headed off to help our brother and friend.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

When we got to the docks we saw that Mikey and Casey did indeed have their work cut out for them. Hun and his Purple Dragons were getting the better of them despite having Keno and the Foot Bots helping them. After fighting off some of the guards suddenly the fighting stopped all together. Donnie had gotten to the middle of the dock, fully prepared to fight. However when the Purple Dragon saw him their faces went white and they dropped their weapons.

"What are you doing?!" Hun shouted. "Get them!"

"Uh ah," the Dragons said. "No way. We ain't messin' with the guy who killed the Shredder." With that the Purple Dragons turned a hightailed out of there with a furious Hun chasing after them. I just watched all of this with disbelief.

"What just happened?" I wondered out loud.

"I think they're afraid of me," Donnie said with a laugh.

"Yeah well they should be," Casey said putting his arm around Donnie. "You're pretty badass there killer." Donnie flinched a little when Casey called him "killer". Casey opened his mouth to say something but Donnie said, "Its ok Casey. I'm just glad its done."

"Yeah thanks for the help guys," Mikey said.

"'Bout time you asked for it Mikey," Raph muttered.

"Lets go home," I said. With that my family and I started to head home very satisfied by the day's events.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Over the next couple of week things really improved for my family. Mikey had been asking for help more from us and just yesterday he had come to me just to talk. I was thrilled that my little brother was getting back to his old self. In fact both of my little brothers were back to their old selves. Donnie had even gained some self confidence out of all of this. I was so happy he was doing so well. I was doing a lot better myself too. I had learned that I need to let my family help me. Miwa and I had agreed that we would both look out for our brothers. And for each other. I also learned that I had to stop trying so hard to be Splinter. I could never be him. I could only be me. And I knew that was what he would want. For us just to be ourselves and be happy. And I knew he was watching over all of us with a smile. As I entered Splinter's room that night I could feel his presence there. "I love you Father," I whispered as the tears came out. "I miss you. But I know I would make you proud." As I was leaving I swear I could hear Splinter's voice saying, "I love you too my son."

 **A/N alrighty then folks there's the first one shot. Whose one shot would you like to see next? I'm going to do Mikey's, Donnie's, Raph's, and Miwa's. Maybe April and Casey too. We'll see. Let me know your thoughts in a review please.**


	2. Raph's POV

**A/N Thank you all for the reviews. And by popular demand I give you Raph's POV. Enjoy. And see ch 1 for disclaimer.**

 **Ch 2 Raph's POV**

One minute. That's all it took. One minute for our lives to go from great to shit. I didn't know what the Hell was goin' on. Everything just happened so damn fast. One minute we were fightin' the Shredder and his goons and the next everything was over. Shredder had killed Splinter and damn near killed my little brother too. I was so pissed off at this point I was seein' red. But as I raced to save my baby brother suddenly Shredder was dead. And my other little brother had done it. I was so stunned I just stood there staring at Donnie dumbfounded at what just happened. Even afterwards when Splinter had been taken back to Japan to be next to Tang Shen I still couldn't believe what had happened. I thought this had to be some kind of horrible nightmare. I could tell by my family's faces that they were thinkin' the same thing. I wanted to say something about Donnie burning Shredder's body but I knew better than to bring it up. Instead I headed to bed. Or at least I pretended to. I knew sleep would be a no go tonight so after making sure my family was in bed I went to the dojo. I was so full of energy I knew I would explode if I didn't do something about it. So I did what I do best. I lashed out. I punched the punching bag over and over again making sure I was quiet enough not to wake my family. I don't know how long I punched away but soon my hands were burning and I had to stop. After catching my breath my eyes went to the mantle where Splinter kept the pictures of his human family and of our family. I looked at the most recent picture, which included Miwa, April and Casey, and I saw how happy Splinter looked in it. Suddenly I saw tear drops fall on the picture and I quickly put it down and let out a growl kicking the punching bag so hard it went flying across the room. "Whoa easy there killer," a voice said. Turning I saw April standing there looking at me with concern.

"What the Hell are you doin' here?" I asked, a little rougher than I meant to.

"Well excuse me for being a concerned friend," April said, a little edge to her voice. "I couldn't just go home without making sure you guys were ok. Casey's around here somewhere too."

"Yeah well I'm fine," I said roughly. "You can go now."

"Raph why must you always be such an ass?" April asked, rolling her blue eyes.

"Well gee April if you don't like my attitude why don't you take a hike and leave me the Hell alone!" I snapped. I honestly had no clue why I was being so mean. But it was late and I was tired and not really in a good mood. I let out a growl and turned and went over to the mantle. I stared up at the pictures and I felt my eyes fill with tears again. "Damn it!" I cried out shoving the pictures off the mantle and onto the ground. Suddenly I felt myself slide to the ground as the tears came. I was just to damn tired to even try to stop them from coming. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I saw April kneeling next to me, a very sad look on her face. "I'm sorry April," I whispered.

"It's ok Raph," April said, with a sad smile. "I get it." The next thing I knew she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close. I pulled away from her and stood up wiping my eyes and willing the tears to go away. I was so pissed at myself for crying in front of April but for some stupid reason I couldn't make the tears stop. I paced the floor for a few seconds when suddenly April stepped in front of me. "Raph you don't have to Mr. Tough Guy around me," she said. "You just lost your father. Its ok to grieve for him. It doesn't make you weak." I stared at my red headed friend for a minute. She was right. Its funny how April always seamed to know what to say about things like this.

"It ain't just about losin' Splinter," I said softly. "I'm worried 'bout everyone else. I mean Donnie was actin' so weird. Hell he freaking BURNED the Shredder's body. I mean that ain't exactly normal behavior ya know? And Leo's hurt again. So we gotta take care of him. And then there's Mikey. He's got a shit ton of responsibility now. What if it's all to much for him?" I let out a heavy sigh and hung my head. April walked over to me and put her arm around me.

"We'll take care of them Raph," she whispered. "Me and Casey will help you. You're not alone in this."

"I know," I whispered. "It just feels like I and sometimes. Having Miwa helps but I don't want her to be burdened anymore than she already is."

"Miwa's your sister," April pointed out. "That's what family does." I smiled at her and she smiled back. Just then we heard what sounded like a muffled shout. Exchanging looks of surprise April and I walked out to investigate. Seeing no one in the living room we headed towards the kitchen. Peeking in we saw Leo and Casey in the kitchen looking like they were having a pretty intense conversation. I decided not to bother them and I guess April felt the same way because she followed me back to my room. "Guess we should try to get some sleep," April whispered.

"Good idea," I whispered back. "You can sleep in my room if you wanna."

"Thanks Raph," April said with a smile. With that we went in my room to try and get some sleep.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

The next morning I woke up and to my surprise April was gone. Then I remembered it was a school day. Sitting up I stretched and got out of bed. To my surprise no one else was up yet. Shrugging I decided to make some breakfast. As I was cooking I heard someone come in behind me. Turning I saw Mikey coming in with Leo right behind him. "Leo you should be resting," I snapped, irritated that my stubborn older brother was walking around. He could hurt himself more that he already was.

"Well good morning to you to Raph," Leo muttered, rolling his blue eyes as he sat down. As he was sitting down I noticed that he winced as he did son. That tore it for me. I'd be damned if I was going to allow my older brother to hurt himself. "Raph..." Leo began. But I didn't give him a chance to continue. Instead I walked over to him and picked him up and carried him out of the room. "Raph what are you doing?" Leo demanded. I didn't say anything as we walked. We passed Miwa on the way to my room and she gave us a confused look. Once we go into Leo's room I put Leo in bed and covered him over.

"We can do this two ways Leo," I said, an edge to my voice. "Either you stay in bed willingly or I tie ya to the bed. Your choice. Either way you ain't gettin' out of this bed 'til your healed. Got it?"

"Raph.." Leo began. But I didn't give him a chance to continue.

"I ain't gonna argue with ya Leo!" I growled, trying hard to control my emotions. While Leo was pissing me off royally he was also scaring me to death. We had almost lost him once. I wasn't about to lose him again. I wasn't about to lose anyone I loved ever again.

"Leo Raph is just concerned about you," Miwa said gently sitting on the edge of Leo's bed. "We all are."

"I know," Leo said with a sigh. "And I know I should be resting. And I'll do better about that. I promise."

"Damn right you are," Mikey said suddenly. I looked at him with surprise but he didn't seam to notice because he said. "I won't lose you too Leo. I'll make damn sure of that. I won't lose you like we lost Father." Then without another word he turned and left the room. Miwa let out a sigh as she watched our youngest brother leave.

"He's taking this all so hard," she whispered. "I tried talking to him but he just says he's fine and gets angry when I push. And now Donnie..." Miwa trailed off.

"Donnie'll be ok," Leo said. "And so will Mikey. We all will. We just need some time to process all of this."

"Yeah," I said after a minute. "Maybe Mikey and Donnie should talk to Sp..." I stopped mid-sentence as I realized what a stupid thing I was about to say. Letting out a grunt I turned and left the room as well, Miwa following close behind me.

"Raph wait up," Miwa called out, following me into my room.

"Look Miwa I really don't wanna talk right now," I said, trying my best not to yell at her.

"Raph you never want to talk," Miwa said matter-of-factly. "Seams to run in the family since Mikey is the same way." I said nothing. I merely stared at her with my arms crossed, hoping she'd get the hint and leave. I was already pissed off and I really didn't need to hear a lecture from her right now. But she didn't get the hint and continued to talk. "Look Raph I know you like to keep the tough guy persona and pretend you're not hurting but I know you've gotta be hurting right now."

"Yeah 'cause you know me so well," I scoffed, rolling my green eyes. This earned a groan from my older sister. Then to my surprise she smacked in the back of my head. Hard. "Hey!" I cried out rubbing the back of my head. "What the Hell was that for?"

"That was for being so damn stubborn," Miwa cried out. "My God sometimes I'd like to take you and Mikey and knock your heads together. Maybe that'll knock some sense into you."

"Yeah good luck with that Miwa," I said rolling my eyes at her. Without waiting for her to respond I began to walk out of the room. But I didn't get very far because Miwa grabbed my arm and stopped me. I began to jerk away but the look on Miwa's face made me stop. Her brown eyes were filled with concern. Those were the same eyes that Splinter had. Those same caring brown eyes of my father. I felt those damn tears again and I cursed out loud as I tried to turn away. But Miwa didn't let me. Instead she threw her arms around me and whispered, "Its ok Raph. I miss him too." I said nothing. I just wrapped my arms around Miwa tightly as we both grieved for our father.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Two weeks past and Leo was healing nicely. Me and Miwa had been checking on him consistently after agreeing to share the responsibility. We had tried to get Donnie out of his room but that went nowhere fast. As much as I hated it I decided to just let him be. On this day I was reading in my room when suddenly I heard commotion coming form the dojo. Getting up I went to see what was going on. As I walked in I heard voices.

"Nothing is going on with me," Donnie said without emotion. "Nothing at all. Because that's all my life is now. Nothing." Then without another word Donnie turned and left the room.

"He's been like that ever since he killed Shredder," I said, coming into the room.

"I know," Miwa said with a sigh. "I'm really worried about him." I opened my mouth to say something when suddenly Mikey came into the lair looking like he'd been put through the ringer. "Mikey!" Miwa exclaimed running over towards our brother.

"What the Hell happened to you?" I chimed in, my green eyes wide. Mikey was covered in bruises and cuts and had bloody knuckles.

"I'm fine," was all Mikey said. "I'm going to bed." With that he turned and tried to leave the room.

"Hold it right there Mikey," Miwa said stepping in front of our youngest brother. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what's going on with you."

"Look Miwa the last time I checked you don't get to tell me what to do," Mikey snapped, his blue eyes flashing with anger. "I've got enough problems without you pestering me. The damn Purple Dragons are back and Hun's being a little bitch and trying to steal from me. Well he learned that you don't mess with the Foot and get away with it. He won't be back anytime soon."

"Hold it Mikey," Leo said putting his hands on Mikey's shoulder. "I think you should take it easy. You're stressing yourself out too much. It isn't good for you."

"Oh for God's sake Leo give it a rest," Mikey snapped, clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Mikey I..." Leo began. But I was cut off by Mikey's furious shout.

"Stop!" he shouted. "Just stop! You're not Father Leo! So stop acting like you could ever be him!"

"Mikey I wasn't..." Leo began. But once again he was cut off by our little brother.

"Yes you were Leo!" he shouted. "You've been trying to be Father ever since he died! Well guess what big brother? You'll never be him! No matter what you do or how hard you try you'll never be him! All you'll ever be is a failure! So don't even bother trying!" With that Mikey turned and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him. I looked over at my older brother, who looked like he'd been punched in the gut. I could see the tears in his blue eyes and I knew Mikey's words had hit him hard. And that really pissed me off.

"He didn't mean what he said Leo," she said softly. "He's just angry at the world right now."

"I know," Leo said with a heavy sigh. "But that doesn't make what he said any less true."

"Well he ain't gonna get away with it," I growled.

"Raph don't.." Leo began.

"No Leo Mikey doesn't get to talk to you like that," I declared. "He's not the only one whose dealin' with stuff here. We all lost Splinter. But that doesn't give him a free pass." I didn't even give Leo a chance to respond before I stormed out of the room. I was so pissed off at this point I thought I was going to explode. Mikey's room door was shut but I barged in anyways slamming the door behind me. "Who the Hell do you think you are talkin' to Leo like that?!" I shouted.

"You've got a Hell of a lot of nerve coming in here and getting in my face," Mikey growled back glaring at me.

"You know what Mikey I'm sick of your bullshit!" I cried out clenching my fists and gritting my teeth.

"Go the Hell Raphael!" Mikey shouted, his blue eyes filled with rage.

"You go to Hell Michelangelo!" I screamed back. "You don't get to talk to Leo or anyone else like that!"

"And you don't get to tell me what to do!" Mikey screamed back. "I am the leader of the Foot Clan! I can do and say whatever the Hell I want to! Do you even realize who you're messing with here?!"

"Yeah I do!" I shouted. "I'm dealin' with someone whose behaving like the spoiled rotten brat he is! Everyone had always tiptoed around you and I sick to death about it! I know you're dealin' with a lot of stuff right now but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to everyone!"

"I'm warning you Raphael you better stop," Mikey growled through clenched teeth.

"Or what?" I growled back, glaring at my younger brother.

"Or this!" Mikey shouted swinging his fist at me. The fist connected landing a hard punch to my face that sent me crashing to the ground. That tore it. Letting out a furious growl I got to my feet and tackled Mikey hard to the ground. I don't know how long we fought but in the end we both ended up with numerous bruises and I could tell my finger was broken. Letting out a furious growl once again I got up and stormed out of Mikey's room. I could hear the crash of his lamp against the door as I slammed it shut. I swore right then and there I would never speak to him as long as I lived. With those thoughts I went to Donnie's lab to wrap my broken finger.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks passed and all was not well with my family. Me and Mikey had stopped speaking to each other, after our huge fight. I was still nursing my broken finger I had received during the fight. Donnie still hadn't gotten out of his funk and was still speaking in a monotoned voice. But this was only when he talked to anyone, which was a rare occasion. We knew this change was due to the fact he had taken a life and was having a hard time dealing with it. Me and Leo and Miwa tried to talk to him about it but he refused to discuss it. Mikey was struggling with his new role as leader of the Foot. We all knew it was because he was still feeling guilty about what had happened with Splinter. Finally one day Miwa had had enough and took her brothers to the side. "We need to talk," she declared. Me and Leo were also in the room at this point.

"Miwa I don't have the time for this," Mikey declared.

"Yes you do Mikey," Miwa said. "And you're gonna listen."

"Look we know you both are having difficulties dealing with all of this," Leo said. "But what happened wasn't your fault. Either one of you. Donnie you had to do what you did. Shredder wouldn't have stopped. He had to be taken care of. You've gotta stop blaming yourself. The same goes with you Mikey. There was nothing you could have done to save Splinter. Please. Both of you snap out of this. We need to stay together. Now more than ever."

"Easy for you to say Leo," Donnie said softly, causing everyone to look at him. This was the first time we had heard his normal voice in weeks. "I know Shredder had to be stopped," he continued. "But its still not easy living with that fact that I killed someone."

"We know Donnie," Miwa said, kneeling in front of her brother. "And we want to help you."

"We wanna help both of you two knuckelheads," I said, trying not to show my emotion. "So talk to us."

"They do have a point Donnie," Mikey said.

"Yeah I know," Donnie said. "And I'll try."

"Yeah same here," Mikey said.

"That's better," Miwa said giving both of her brothers hugs.

"Leo," Mikey began, looking at our blue masked brother. "I..I'm so sorry bro. About what I said about you being a failure. I didn't mean it. I.."

"Its ok Mikey," Leo said wrapping Mikey into a hug. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I love you Leo," Mikey whispered. "I love you all so much."

"I love you too little brother," Leo whispered back.

"Raph I'm sorry," Mikey said. But I merely held up my hand and said, "Don't." Without another word I pulled my little brother close. I knew already how bad he felt and I didn't need to hear anymore than 'I'm sorry' form him to make things ok. I could feel Mikey trying so hard not to cry. "I love you little brother," I whispered.

"I love you too Raph," Mikey whispered back.

"Donnie anything you'd like to say?" Miwa asked looking at our purple masked brother.

"Just that I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately," Donnie said, lowering his brown eyes in shame. "Its just been so hard lately. I..I didn't know how to talk to you guys about how I was feeling. I just felt so...lost. Like with Splinter gone there was no one I could talk to. It..It just seamed like he was the only one who really understood me and knew just what to say. You know what I mean?" We all nodded in agreement. Splinter always made things better. It was who he was. Suddenly I really missed him but I knew I had to be strong and not lose it in front of my family. Just then Leo let out a sob. Everyone looked at him and I could see his face turn bright red. Leo opened his mouth to say something but before he could Donnie said, "It's ok Leo. It's ok to miss him." Leo tried to respond but no words came. The only thing that came was a chocked sob. Donnie pulled Leo close and Leo cried into his shoulder for a few minutes. Then Leo pulled away and looked at us with a small smile. "Feel better bro?" Donnie asked, with a small gap toothed smile.

"A little," Leo said, with a small smile of his own.

"C'mon you guys," I said with a wave of my hand, not wanting things to get to mushy. "Lets go call April and Casey and see about getting some grub."

"Sounds good to me," Mikey said. With that we went out to the living room to call our friends.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

A couple of weeks past and I was sitting with April watching TV. Donnie was in his lab while Raph and Miwa were in the dojo practicing. Mikey was meeting with Keno about some business in Japan. Suddenly Donnie came bursting out of his lab his brown eyes wide.

"Donnie what's wrong?" April asked, he blue eyes wide with concern.

"Casey just called" Donnie said. "He and Mikey need our help. Something about the Purple Dragons giving them trouble."

"Then lets go!" I shouted. I was actually kind of excited about going. This would be the first real fight we've had since Shredder's been gone. With that we gathered Raph and Miwa and headed off to help our brother and friend.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

When we got to the docks we saw that Mikey and Casey did indeed have their work cut out for them. Hun and his Purple Dragons were getting the better of them despite having Keno and the Foot Bots helping them. After fighting off some of the guards suddenly the fighting stopped all together. Donnie had gotten to the middle of the dock, fully prepared to fight. However when the Purple Dragon saw him their faces went white and they dropped their weapons.

"What are you doing?!" Hun shouted. "Get them!"

"Uh ah," the Dragons said. "No way. We ain't messin' with the guy who killed the Shredder." With that the Purple Dragons turned a hightailed out of there with a furious Hun chasing after them. I just watched all of this with disbelief. I shook my head as if that would make things make more sense. Why in the Hell were those guys so afraid of Donnie? Then it dawned on me. They were afraid of him because he had killed the Shredder

"What just happened?" Leo wondered.

"I think they're afraid of me," Donnie said with a laugh.

"Yeah well they should be," Casey said putting his arm around Donnie. "You're pretty badass there killer." Donnie flinched a little when Casey called him "killer". Casey opened his mouth to say something but Donnie said, "Its ok Casey. I'm just glad its done."

"Yeah thanks for the help guys," Mikey said.

"'Bout time you asked for it Mikey," I muttered.

"Lets go home," Leo said. With that my family and I started to head home very satisfied by the day's events.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks past and things were much calmer at home. Mikey had relaxed a lot more and reached out to us more for help. I was happy when he asked me to be the newest muscle on his team. He knew the one thing I loved was kicking some ass. And I was damn good at it too. One this particular day me and Casey had just returned home after kicking some serious puck ass. I headed to bed very pleased with myself. I had been training almost everyday with Leo being my guide. And not just mine. He was helping all of us. And we were helping him. As we trained the next day I could swear I could feel Splinter's presence in the room. I looked over at the picture on the mantle and I smiled. "I love you Father," I whispered. And call me crazy but I could have sworn I heard Splinter's voice say, "I love you too my son."

 **A/N Hope you all liked ch 2. I'm most likely going to do Donnie next. Does that sound good? Let me know in a review please and to all those who celebrate it Merry Christmas. Be happy and be safe.**


	3. Donnie's POV

**A/N I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Here's ch 3 which is Donnie's POV. E** **njoy and as always see ch 1 for disclaimer.**

 **Ch 3 Donnie's POV**

A cry of pain. The sound of blades pulling out of flesh. Me and my siblings watching as our father fell to the ground. That's when my life began its downward spiral straight to Hell. The Shredder had just ran Splinter through with his blades and Splinter fell to the ground. I rushed over to him and knelt beside him praying I would find a pulse. But there was none there. I just sat there stunned at the fact the my father was dead. I felt the tears form in my eyes. But a new strange feeling was also forming. And that was rage. Rage at the so called man that had murdered my father. The same armor clad devil that had caused my family so much pain. I hated him with every fiber of my being. He had to pay. And pay with blood. I was jerked out of my thought by Raph's cry. I saw the Shredder was about to kill Mikey. I'd be damned if I'd let that happen. So I did the only thing I knew would stop the Shredder. I killed him. As I watched his lifeless body hit the ground I thought I'd feel relief. But I didn't. Instead I felt nothing. Just nothing. Even as I was saying goodbye to Splinter I still felt this emptiness inside of me. I looked over at the Shredder's body and thought, "This is all that bastard's fault." I walked towards his body and it felt like I was in some kind of daze. Even as I dragged Shredder's body into the other room it felt like I was having some kind of out of body experience. I found a lighter that had been dropped and the next thing I knew the Shredder's body was engulfed in flames. I don't know how long I watched his body burn before I heard.

"Donnie what..." I turned and saw Leo standing behind me his blue eyes wide with shock.

"Now he's really burning," I said without any emotion. "And he can never come back. Ever." With that I turned and walked away, feeling strangely calm.

"Uh Donnie you ok bro?" Raph asked, clearly concerned for me.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice still monotone. "Why wouldn't I be?" I could see my family exchange looks of concern. But no one said a word about it. Instead we all decided to head home.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

When we got home I headed straight for my room. "Donnie wait," Miwa was calling out. "We should talk about what just happened." But I ignored her and just walked into my room and shut the door. I heard knocking on the door and I knew Miwa was out there. And sure enough a minute later I heard my sister's voice say, "Donnie c'mon let me in. I just want to talk." But I really didn't want to talk to her right then. I didn't really want to talk to anyone right then. All I wanted to do was cover my head and forget about what had just happened. So that's what I did. I got into bed and pulled the covers over my head and tried to zone everything else out. The knocking continued for a few more minutes. Then I heard Mikey say: "Just leave him be Miwa. He's had a rough night. We all have."

"I guess you're right Mikey," Miwa said back. "I'll come back tomorrow and check on him." Then I heard my siblings leave. I was really hoping Miwa wouldn't come back tomorrow. But knowing my sister I knew she would. I let out a sigh and shut my eyes.

"I don't deserve their concern," I thought to myself. "I don't really need it either." I knew this was a lie but I still tried to convince myself that it was true. I was a murderer now. And murderers were the lowest form a scum out there. In a way I was no better than Shredder. I really wished Splinter was here. I could really use his advice on this. But he wasn't here. And he would never been here again. There was no one I could go to for advice or when I just needed someone to make me feel better. I was totally alone here. Without Splinter I felt so damn alone. I felt the hot tears going down my face and I buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

The next morning I woke up to knocking on my door. "Donnie you awake bro?" I heard Mikey's voice call out. I let out a groan and pulled the covers over my head. "Donnie you should really check on Leo," Mikey tried again. Still I said nothing hoping he'd go away. Luckily after a minute I heard Mikey sigh and walk away. I knew I should really be checking on Leo especially since he got hurt again but for the life of me I couldn't will myself to get out of bed. I just layed there staring at the ceiling and cursed myself for being so selfish. Suddenly I heard another knock on my door. But instead of waiting for a response I heard the door open. I turned my head and saw Miwa standing there holding a tray of food.

"You've gotta eat Donnie," she said sitting the tray down on my nightstand.

"Not hungry," I said flatly, turning over on my side so that my back was facing her. I heard Miwa sigh and I felt her sit on the side of my bed.

"Donnie I know its hard," Miwa said softly. "Trust me its hard on everyone. But you'd feel a lot better if you talk about it." I knew what she said was true but as badly as I wanted to tell her what was happening I knew I couldn't. She'd hate me. She'd hate me for being so selfish and not helping Leo when he needed it so badly. I couldn't stand it if my sister or any of my family or friends hated me. That's why I knew I had to keep my feelings to myself. Because if anyone knew them they'd hate me for it. If Splinter was here it would be different. He'd make it so that they'd understand. But he wasn't here. And he'd never be here again. I felt my eyes fill with tears and I pulled my knees to my chest. I felt Miwa gently rubbing my back. "Please talk to me Donnie," she whispered with a slight sniffle. "You don't have to keep it all inside." I could hear the sadness in her voice and I had a strong feeling she was crying. I felt terrible. I hated that she was suffering because of me. I hated myself for making her feel this way. I said nothing. I knew if I opened my mouth I'd be crying in spite of myself. And that would just make things worse. So I just pulled the covers over my head once again. Miwa sighed and I felt her get off my bed and heard my door open then shut again. Peeking over the covers I saw that she was really gone and I looked over at the tray of food.

"I don't deserve all this," I muttered. Once again I felt the tears going down my face. Damn it all why the Hell do I have to be so weak? Frustrated and angry at myself I picked up the plate of food and threw it across the room. As I watched it shatter and saw the food go sliding down the wall I once again cursed myself for creating a mess. So I grabbed a towel that was on a chair and began to clean the wall off. Then I picked up the glass off the ground and began to throw it in the garbage can. Of course I ended up cutting my finger and I let out a hiss of pain and shoved my finger in my mouth. I pulled my finger out of my mouth to see to extent of the damage. As soon as I saw the blood for some strange reason I couldn't stop staring at it as it flowed down my finger. The next thing I knew I pulled a large piece of glass out of the garbage and held it to my wrist. My blood didn't matter. It could flow all over the floor and it wouldn't make any difference. I could feel the hot, salty tears going down my face as I contemplated actually cutting my wrist. My family would be so much better off without me there. They wouldn't have to live with the shame of having a murderer in the family. They wouldn't have to have such a selfish brother to worry about. My hand shook as I held the broken glass to my wrist, willing myself to make the cut. But I couldn't do it. Letting out a sob I threw the glass in the garbage can and quickly put the can outside my room and shut the door. Only this time I made sure I locked it. Then I got in bed and once again I cried myself to sleep. Sleep seamed to be the only thing I was good at anymore.

TMNTTMNTMTMNT

Two weeks past and I was still depressed as ever. I decided I may as well take a little walk so that my legs wouldn't turn to mush. I was afraid that Raph or Miwa would be there when I opened the door. They had been bothering me pretty much every day for the last two weeks. But luckily there was no one there when I opened the door. I walked out of my room and into the living room, hoping no one was there. But Casey was there. As soon as he saw me my dark headed friend came up to me.

"Donnie glad to see you're up and around," he said with a grin. I said nothing. Instead I turned and began to walk away. But Casey walked in front of me, blocking my path. I let out a groan.

"Move," I said flatly.

"Donnie I just wanna make sure you're ok," Casey said, looking at me with concern.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice still emotionless. "Now move."

"You sure?" Casey asked. That did the trick for me. I still can't think of why I did what I did but the next thing I knew I shoved Casey as hard as I could, sending him to the ground. "Hey!" he shouted, glaring at me. "What the Hell man?!" I guess all the shouting drew attention because before I knew it Miwa and Leo were in the room staring at me and Casey.

"Donnie?" Leo said walking towards me "You ok?"

"What happened?" Miwa asked, helping Casey to his feet.

"He got in my way," I said flatly. "He should know what happens when you get in my way."

"Hey man all I did was ask if you were ok," Casey said angrily. "But clearly you're not since you just shoved me for no reason."

"Donnie what's going on with you?" Leo asked, standing in front of me. I said nothing. I only stared at Leo. I knew if I said a word I'd end up telling my oldest brother everything. And that was something that just couldn't happen. "C'mon bro," Le said gently. "Talk to me. What's going on with you?" I wanted so bad to tell him but instead I said without emotion"Nothing is going on with me. Nothing at all. Because that's all my life is now. Nothing." Then without another word I turned and left the room. I could hear my family talking about me as I left but I payed them no attention. I walked in my room and shut the door. A few minutes later I heard loud shouting coming from Mikey's room. I was tempted to check to see what was going on but I knew better than to go out there. A minute later I heard Leo and Miwa talking outside my door. Then I heard a knock. I turned on my side and pretended to be asleep when I heard the door open. "Donnie?" I heard Miwa's voice call. Damn it why was my sister so pushy? She should know by now that I wasn't going to talk to her. I heard Miwa sigh and shut the door. "Good," I thought. "Maybe now I can get some sleep." With that I turned and went to sleep, despite having just woken up two hours before.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks passed and all was not well with my family. I guess Raph and Mikey had gotten into a huge fight and stopped speaking to each other. But I was still in my funk and didn't really notice Raph and Leo and Miwa tried to talk to me about it but I refused to discuss it. I couldn't have them know how weak I really was. I couldn't have my family hate me. Finally one day I guess Miwa had had enough and took me and Mikey to the side. "We need to talk," she declared. Raph and Leo were also in the room at this point.

"Miwa I don't have the time for this," Mikey declared.

"Yes you do Mikey," Miwa said. "And you're gonna listen."

"Look we know you both are having difficulties dealing with all of this," Leo said. "But what happened wasn't your fault. Either one of you. Donnie you had to do what you did. Shredder wouldn't have stopped. He had to be taken care of. You've gotta stop blaming yourself. The same goes with you Mikey. There was nothing you could have done to save Splinter. Please. Both of you snap out of this. We need to stay together. Now more than ever."

"Easy for you to say Leo," I said softly, causing everyone to look at me. I didn't blame them for being so surprised. Heck I was surprised to. But for some reason it just felt right to be talking to them. Like I was finally ready for them to know the truth "I know Shredder had to be stopped," I continued. "But its still not easy living with that fact that I killed someone." I was fighting so hard not to lose it all together at this point. But luckily I had no reason to be afraid.

"We know Donnie," Miwa said, kneeling in front of me. "And we want to help you."

"We wanna help both of you two knuckelheads," Raph said. "So talk to us."

"They do have a point Donnie," Mikey said. I looked at my little brother and I realized that he was right.

"Yeah I know," I said. "And I'll try."

"Yeah same here," Mikey said.

"That's better," Miwa said giving both of us hugs.

"Leo," Mikey began, looking at our blue masked brother. "I..I'm so sorry bro. About what I said about you being a failure. I didn't mean it. I.."

"Its ok Mikey," Leo said wrapping Mikey into a hug. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I love you Leo," Mikey whispered. "I love you all so much."

"I love you too little brother," Leo whispered back.

"Raph I'm sorry," Mikey said. But Raph merely held up his hand and said, "Don't." Without another word Raph pulled our little brother close. "I love you little brother," Raph whispered.

"I love you too Raph," Mikey whispered back.

"Donnie anything you'd like to say?" Miwa asked looking at me.

"Just that I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately," I said, lowering my eyes in shame. "Its just been so hard lately. I..I didn't know how to talk to you guys about how I was feeling. I just felt so...lost. Like with Splinter gone there was no one I could talk to. It..It just seamed like he was the only one who really understood me and knew just what to say. You know what I mean?" My family all nodded in agreement. Splinter always made things better. It was who he was. Just then Leo let out a sob. Everyone looked at him and I could see his face turn bright red. Leo opened his mouth to say something but before he could I said, "It's ok Leo. It's ok to miss him." Leo tried to respond but no words came. The only thing that came was a chocked sob. I pulled Leo close and Leo cried into my shoulder for a few minutes. Then Leo pulled away and looked at us with a small smile. "Feel better bro?" I asked, with a small smile. I really hoped he did because I felt so much better now that I had finally told my family how I was feeling. And to my relief they didn't hate me. I guess deep down I knew they wouldn't. I was just depressed to admit it.

"A little," Leo said, with a small smile of his own.

"C'mon you guys," Raph said with a wave of his hand. "Lets go call April and Casey and see about getting some grub."

"Sounds good to me," Mikey said. With that we went out to the living room to call our friends.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

A couple of weeks past and I was in my lab working while Raph and Miwa were in the dojo practicing. Mikey was meeting with Keno about some business in Japan. And Leo was watching TV with April. Suddenly my T-com rang startling me.

"Casey what's up?" I answered.

"Donnie we need your help," Casey said, sounding out of breath. "Me an Mikey are at the docks. The Purple Dragons are giving us Hell."

"We're on our way," I said snapping my T-com shut. With that I came running out of my lab and into the other room where April and Leo were.

"Donnie what's wrong?" April asked, he blue eyes wide with concern.

"Casey just called" I said. "He and Mikey need our help. Something about the Purple Dragons giving them trouble."

"Then lets go!" Leo shouted. With that we gathered Raph and Miwa and headed off to help our brother and friend.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

When we got to the docks we saw that Mikey and Casey did indeed have their work cut out for them. Hun and his Purple Dragons were getting the better of them despite having Keno and the Foot Bots helping them. After fighting off some of the guards suddenly the fighting stopped all together. I had gotten to the middle of the dock, fully prepared to fight. However when the Purple Dragon saw me their faces went white and they dropped their weapons.

"What are you doing?!" Hun shouted. "Get them!"

"Uh ah," the Dragons said. "No way. We ain't messin' with the guy who killed the Shredder." With that the Purple Dragons turned a hightailed out of there with a furious Hun chasing after them. I just watched all of this with disbelief. Why in the world were those guys so afraid of me? Then it dawned on me. They were afraid of me because I had killed the Shredder

"What just happened?" Leo wondered.

"I think they're afraid of me," I said with a laugh. It amused me that the Purple Dragons, who were some of the toughest thugs around, were afraid of me.

"Yeah well they should be," Casey said putting his arm around me. "You're pretty badass there killer." I flinched a little when Casey called me "killer". That word would always hold a stigma in my mind. Casey opened his mouth to say something but I said, "Its ok Casey. I'm just glad its done."

"Yeah thanks for the help guys," Mikey said.

"'Bout time you asked for it Mikey," Raph muttered.

"Lets go home," Leo said. With that my family and I started to head home very satisfied by the day's events.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks past and things were much calmer at home. Mikey had relaxed a lot more and reached out to us more for help. I was more than thrilled when he asked me to assist with the newest security systems he was installing. I loved that I was so useful to my family. I felt so stupid that I ever thought otherwise. That night I had a dream. And it was about Splinter. But instead of making me sad it made me feel happy. That's when I knew things were going to me ok. That I was finally ready to move forward. I opened my eyes and for a moment I could have swore I saw Splinter next to me, smiling. "I love you Father," I whispered.

"I love you too my son," Splinter said with a smile.

 **A/N well there you are folk ch 3 complete. Next up: Mikey. Hope you all enjoyed and as always please review.**


	4. Mikey's POV

**A/N Happy New Year everyone. Thank you all for your reviews. Without further ado** **here's ch 4 for ya and as always see ch 1 for disclaimer.**

 **Ch 4 Mikey's POV**

Wham. That's what it felt like. A direct hit to the heart. I watched as the Shredder stabbed Splinter in the chest and Splinter fell to the ground and layed motionlessly. It may as well have been me that he stabbed. Suddenly I was in full on rage mode as I attacked the so called man that had killed my father. But he got the better of me and before I knew it I was on the ground with Shredder looming over me. I heard Raph and Miwa cry out as they raced to my aid. But before they could reach me I heard Shredder cry out in pain and fall to the ground. I shook my head in disbelief. "What the Hell just happened?" I thought to myself. As I stood I saw Donnie stab Shredder again in his chest. Donnie, my quiet, usually clam, slightly nerdy brother had just killed someone. I shook my head as if that would make things clearer. But it didn't. Nothing was clear. It was all a jumbled mess. The only thing that was clear was the fact that this whole situation was my fault. If I hadn't been so weak minded to fall for the Shredder's mind wiping serum then none of this would be happening and Splinter would still be alive. After we said our goodbyes we headed home and Donnie went into his room. "Donnie wait," Miwa called out. "We should talk about what just happened." But he ignored her and just walked into his room and shut the door. Miwa knocked on the door and called out, "Donnie c'mon let me in. I just want to talk." But out brother wasn't in the mood to talk and understandably so. Miwa continued knocking for a few more minutes. I walked up to her and said "Just leave him be Miwa. He's had a rough night. We all have."

"I guess you're right Mikey," Miwa said back. "I'll come back tomorrow and check on him." Then we headed into our room and got into bed. "I can't believe this is happening," Miwa said as she climbed into bed.

"Yeah," I said softly. "It just seams like a horrible nightmare."

"I wish that was all this was," Miwa said, taking in a shaky breath. I looked over at he and saw the tears going down her face. A pang of guilt coursed through me. My sister wouldn't be suffering right now if it wasn't for me. I got out of bed and went over to her bed and sat on the edge.

"It's gonna be ok sis," I said, rubbing her back. "I promise you its gonna be ok. I'm here for you."

"Will you sleep in my bed?" Miwa whispered. "Please."

"Scoot over," I said getting under the covers next to my sister. I put my arm around her and I could feel her tears going into my skin. I fought hard not to start crying myself. I had no right to be sad since this whole thing was my fault to begin with. So I just held my sister until she fell asleep. Before I knew it I was asleep too. But my dreams were anything but peaceful. I had a horrible dream. I dreamed that my family hated me because they finally realized I was the reason Splinter was dead. I also dreamed that me being the Foot Clan's new leader had lead to the downfall of everything that was good and decent in the world. I woke up in a cold sweat and looked over at Miwa, who luckily was still sound asleep. Sighing I tried to go back to sleep but the rest of the night was spent tossing and turning with very little sleep being had.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

The next morning I woke up still feeling horrible. But I knew I had things to attend to. My first stop was seeing if Donnie was awake. I walked to Donnie's room and knocked on his door. "Donnie you awake bro?" I called out. I heard a muffled groan come from Donnie's room. "Donnie you should really check on Leo," I tried again. Still I heard nothing form form older brother. I sighed and decided just to let him be for now. I decided to check on Leo myself. I opened Leo's door and saw he was sleeping. Trying hard not to wake him I began pushing lightly on my plastron. But I guess I wasn't gentle enough because I heard a low groan "Wha.." Leo muttered opening his eyes.

"Sorry Leo didn't mean to wake you up," I said, feeling bad I had woke him up when he needed the rest so badly.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked sitting up.

"Just making sure you were ok," I said. "I knocked on Donnie's door but he didn't answer so I figured I'd let him sleep and check on you myself. How ya feeling?"

"I'm ok I guess," Leo said rubbing his face. I debated on rather I should talk to Leo about the feelings I was having and the dream I had last night. I figured if anyone would understand it would be him. But I didn't want to burden him while he was recovering. But of course Leo knew something was up. He always seamed to know when something was bothering me. "You ok Mikey?" Leo asked.

"Yeah," I said, after a minute. "I'm fine Leo."

"You know you can tell me if something bothering you," Leo said. Classic Leo. Always thinking about others before himself. But I'd be damned if I was going to put more stress on him and burden him with my problems

"I'm good bro," I said with a small smile. Leo stared at me and I could tell he didn't buy it. But he said nothing and instead he slowly got out of bed. I reached out to help him but Leo held his hand up. "I got it Mikey." Then together we walked to the kitchen. To my surprise I saw Raph cooking.

"Leo you should be in bed," Raph said, looking angry.

"Well good morning to you to Raph," Leo muttered, rolling his blue eyes as he sat down. Leo winced as he sat and of course Raph noticed and let out a groan. "Raph..." Leo began. But Raph didn't say anything. Instead he walked over to Leo and picked him up and carried him out of the room. "Raph what are you doing?" Leo demanded. I followed them out and we passed Miwa on the way to Leo's room and she gave us a confused look. Once we go into Leo's room Raph put Leo in bed and covered him over.

"We can do this two ways Leo," he said. "Either you stay in bed willingly or I tie ya to the bed. Your choice. Either way you ain't gettin' out of this bed 'til your healed. Got it?"

"Raph.." Leo began. But he was cut off by our brother's angry shout.

"I ain't gonna argue with ya Leo!" he growled. His green eyes were filled with emotion. But it wasn't anger. It was an emotion I rarely saw in Raph. It was fear. Fear of losing someone else close to him. I could relate. I had those same fears

"Leo Raph is just concerned about you," Miwa said gently sitting on the edge of Leo's bed. "We all are."

"I know," Leo said with a sigh. "And I know I should be resting. And I'll do better about that. I promise."

"Damn right you are," I said suddenly. My siblings looked at me with surprise and I said. "I won't lose you too Leo. I'll make damn sure of that. I won't lose you like we lost Father." Then without another word I turned and left the room. I could hears Miwa let out a sigh as I walked out of the lair. I had a meeting with Keno to discuss how things were going to work now that I was leader. I wasn't looking forward to that. The Foot Clan was the last thing on my priority list. But I had agreed to take the position and I had to honor that commitment no matter how much I didn't want to. Of course the meeting went horribly. Keno thought it would be a good idea to try and challenge my authority. But I quickly showed him why I was leader. I swiftly kicked his sorry ass and warned him never to try that again least I not be so forgiving next time. I had no problems with him form then on, which was the way it was supposed to be.

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Two weeks past and I was dealing with a situation. Keno had informed me that Hun and his men had been spotted. And to make matters worse they thought it would be a good idea to steal from me. I decided to confront them. And of course I went alone. I had been doing those things a lot lately. The really scary thing was I didn't really care how badly I got hurt. Even as I felt my knuckles split open as I punched Hun square in the jaw and the blood flowed, I didn't care. The pain was what I deserved. I deserved every hit, every bruise, every cut. That's why I did it. Because I deserved the pain and wanted it to come my way. Not to say I didn't deliver some pain myself I just allowed more to come my way than I usually would. After kicking some serious ass I walked back the the lair. I walked in the door hoping no one would be there. But as usual luck wasn't on my side. I saw Leo, Raph and Miwa there as I walked in. As soon as they saw me their eyes went wide.

"Mikey!" Miwa exclaimed running over towards me.

"What the Hell happened to you?" Raph chimed in, his green eyes wide.

"I'm fine," was all I said. "I'm going to bed." With that I turned and tried to leave the room. But unfortunately my family had other ideas.

"Hold it right there Mikey," Miwa said stepping in front me. "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what's going on with you."

"Look Miwa the last time I checked you don't get to tell me what to do," I snapped, really annoyed with my sister. She should know better than to talk to me when I was in that kind of mood. "I've got enough problems without you pestering me. The damn Purple Dragons are back and Hun's being a little bitch and trying to steal from me. Well he learned that you don't mess with the Foot and get away with it. He won't be back anytime soon."

"Hold it Mikey," Leo said putting his hands on my shoulder. "I think you should take it easy. You're stressing yourself out too much. It isn't good for you." Boy if that wasn't the most hypocritical thing I ever heard. And that's when the damn broke on my anger.

"Oh for God's sake Leo give it a rest," I snapped, clenching my fists so hard my knuckles turned white.

"Mikey I..." Leo began. But I didn't give him a chance to finish. I was in a fowl mood anyways and I was quite honestly sick to death of Leo hovering all the time. It was really getting annoying.

"Stop!" I shouted, my voice shaking with anger. "Just stop! You're not Father Leo! So stop acting like you could ever be him!"

"Mikey I wasn't..." Leo began. But once again I cut him off.

"Yes you were Leo!" I shouted. "You've been trying to be Father ever since he died! Well guess what big brother? You'll never be him! No matter what you do or how hard you try you'll never be him! All you'll ever be is a failure! So don't even bother trying!" With that I turned and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind me. I immediately felt bad for saying those things to Leo but I was hurting so bad that I wanted everyone else to be as miserable as I was. And the only way to do that was to be mean and hurtful. The next thing I knew my room door slammed open and Raph barged in anyways slamming the door behind him.. "Who the Hell do you think you are talkin' to Leo like that?!" Raph shouted, getting in my face.

"You've got a Hell of a lot of nerve coming in here and getting in my face," I growled back glaring at my red masked brother.

"You know what Mikey I'm sick of your bullshit!" Raph cried out clenching his fists and gritting his teeth.

"Go the Hell Raphael!" I shouted, my voice shaking with fury.

"You go to Hell Michelangelo!" Raph screamed back, his green eyes filled with rage. "You don't get to talk to Leo or anyone else like that!"

"And you don't get to tell me what to do!" I screamed back. "I am the leader of the Foot Clan! I can do and say whatever the Hell I want to! Do you even realize who you're messing with here?!" I honestly had no clue why I was threatening my brother but quite honestly he was pissing me off to the max. I was nearing the breaking point, which is a very dangerous place to be.

"Yeah I do!" Raph shouted. "I'm dealin' with someone whose behaving like the spoiled rotten brat he is! Everyone had always tiptoed around you and I sick to death about it! I know you're dealin' with a lot of stuff right now but that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to everyone!"

"I'm warning you Raphael you better stop," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Or what?" Raph growled back, glaring at me. That was the breaking point for me.

"Or this!" I shouted swinging my fist at my older brother. The fist connected landing a hard punch to Raph's face that sent him crashing to the ground. Letting out a furious growl he got to his feet and tackled me hard to the ground. I don't know how long we fought but in the end we both ended up with numerous bruises and I could tell my finger was broken. Letting out a furious growl once again Raph got up and stormed out of my room. Letting out a growl of fury I threw my lamp at him as he was leaving and it crashed against the door. "I hate you!" I hissed, through clenched teeth. "I'm never speaking to you again." With these angry thoughts I began to punch the bed over and over vowing never to speak to my older brother again.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks passed and all was not well with my family. Me and Raph had stopped speaking to each other, after our huge fight. I was still nursing my broken finger I had received during the fight. Donnie still hadn't gotten out of his funk and was still speaking in a monotoned voice. But this was only when he talked to anyone, which was a rare occasion. I was struggling with his new role as leader of the Foot. I was still feeling guilty about what had happened with Splinter and my anger tended to cloud my judgement at times and make me make some poor decisions Finally one day I guess Miwa had had enough and took me and Donnie to the side. "We need to talk," she declared. Raph and Leo were also in the room at this point.

"Miwa I don't have the time for this," I declared, annoyed at my sister's presistance.

"Yes you do Mikey," Miwa said. "And you're gonna listen."

"Look we know you both are having difficulties dealing with all of this," Leo said. "But what happened wasn't your fault. Either one of you. Donnie you had to do what you did. Shredder wouldn't have stopped. He had to be taken care of. You've gotta stop blaming yourself. The same goes with you Mikey. There was nothing you could have done to save Splinter. Please. Both of you snap out of this. We need to stay together. Now more than ever."

"Easy for you to say Leo," Donnie said softly, causing everyone to look at him. This was the first time we had heard his normal voice in weeks. "I know Shredder had to be stopped," he continued. "But its still not easy living with that fact that I killed someone."

"We know Donnie," Miwa said, kneeling in front of our brother. "And we want to help you."

"We wanna help both of you two knuckelheads," Raph said. "So talk to us." I knew he was right. Deep down I always knew what I had to do. So I turned towards my purple masked brother and said: "They do have a point Donnie.

"Yeah I know," Donnie said. "And I'll try."

"Yeah same here," I said.

"That's better," Miwa said giving both of us hugs.

"Leo," I began, looking at my blue masked brother with guilt filled eyes. "I..I'm so sorry bro. About what I said about you being a failure. I didn't mean it. I.."

"Its ok Mikey," Leo said wrapping me into a hug. "I know you didn't mean it." I was generally surprised that Leo accepted my apology so quickly. But then again that was Leo for you. Always the big brother who could never stay angry at us. And I was extremely thankful for that.

"I love you Leo," I whispered, as the tears fell. "I love you all so much."

"I love you too little brother," Leo whispered back.

"Raph I'm sorry," I said. But Raph merely held up his hand and said, "Don't." Without another word he pulled me close. I was so relieved that Raph wasn't mad at me anymore. These last couple of weeks had been really hard on me with us not speaking. I fought with everything I had not to cry as I heard Raph whisper "I love you little brother."

"I love you too Raph," I whispered back.

"Donnie anything you'd like to say?" Miwa asked looking at our purple masked brother.

"Just that I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately," Donnie said, lowering his brown eyes in shame. "Its just been so hard lately. I..I didn't know how to talk to you guys about how I was feeling. I just felt so...lost. Like with Splinter gone there was no one I could talk to. It..It just seamed like he was the only one who really understood me and knew just what to say. You know what I mean?" We all nodded in agreement. Splinter always made things better. It was who he was. Suddenly I really missed him but I knew I had to be strong and not lose it in front of my family. Just then Leo let out a sob. Everyone looked at him and I could see his face turn bright red. Leo opened his mouth to say something but before he could Donnie said, "It's ok Leo. It's ok to miss him." Leo tried to respond but no words came. The only thing that came was a chocked sob. Donnie pulled Leo close and Leo cried into his shoulder for a few minutes. Then Leo pulled away and looked at us with a small smile. "Feel better bro?" Donnie asked, with a small gap toothed smile.

"A little," Leo said, with a small smile of his own.

"C'mon you guys," Raph said with a wave of his hand. "Lets go call April and Casey and see about getting some grub."

"Sounds good to me," I said. With that we went out to the living room to call our friends.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

A couple of weeks past and I was attending to a situation with Hun and his Purple Dragons. I had called Casey in to help because I knew how much he despised Hun and he had come through for me before. But this day was not our day. Those damn Purple Dragons were getting the better of us despite having Keno and the Foot Bots helping us. I knew we'd need help. So Casey called my siblings to help us. After what seamed like an eternity they came to help us. After fighting off some of the guards suddenly the fighting stopped all together. Donnie had gotten to the middle of the dock, fully prepared to fight. However when the Purple Dragon saw him their faces went white and they dropped their weapons.

"What are you doing?!" Hun shouted. "Get them!"

"Uh ah," the Dragons said. "No way. We ain't messin' with the guy who killed the Shredder." With that the Purple Dragons turned a hightailed out of there with a furious Hun chasing after them. I just watched all of this with disbelief. I shook my head as if that would make things make more sense. Why in the Hell were those guys so afraid of Donnie? Then it dawned on me. They were afraid of him because he had killed the Shredder

"What just happened?" Leo wondered.

"I think they're afraid of me," Donnie said with a laugh.

"Yeah well they should be," Casey said putting his arm around Donnie. "You're pretty badass there killer." Donnie flinched a little when Casey called him "killer". Casey opened his mouth to say something but Donnie said, "Its ok Casey. I'm just glad its done."

"Yeah thanks for the help guys," I said.

"'Bout time you asked for it Mikey," Raph muttered.

"Lets go home," Leo said. With that my family and I started to head home very satisfied by the day's events.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Another two weeks past and things were much calmer at home. I had relaxed a lot more and reached out to my family more for help. I had asked Raph to be the newest muscle on me team, which of course he was more than happy to help with. I knew my big brother loved nothing more than to kick some serious ass. I also asked Donnie to assist with the newest security systems I was installing. Donnie was thrilled beyond measure to help. It made me so happy that Donnie was back to his old self again. I was thinking these happy thought that night as I climbed into bed. That night I had a dream. But this dream was a very good dream. It was about Splinter. "I am very proud of you my son," he said with a smile.

"Thank you Father," I was. "I love you and I miss you."

"I am always here my son," Splinter said. "I will always watch over you and your siblings. And I will always love you my son." Just then I woke up and for the first time in months I felt happy. I knew from then on everything would be ok.

 **A/N Well there you have it folks ch 4 complete. Did you all enjoy it? I hope the answer is yes. The next POV will be Miwa's Review please.**


	5. Miwa's POV

**A/N:** **Here's ch 5 for ya and as usual see ch 1 for disclaimer. Thank you all for the reviews and enjoy.**

 **Ch 5 Miwa's POV**

Everything seamed to be going in slow motion. Like time was literary standing still. My father was dead. And the man who had raised me most of my life had been the one who had killed him. I didn't know how to react to it all. I had so many emotions going through me all at once. Rage, anger, disbelief, sadness, confusion. But rage seamed to be right at the top at the current moment. I wanted to kill the Shredder. I wanted to run him through with my katana and feel his blood go down my arm as I pulled it out of him. But before I could attack Mikey beat me to it. I just watched as my youngest brother fought Shredder. But to my horror Shredder got the better of him and had him down on the floor and was preparing to kill him. I heard Raph cry out and run towards Mikey at the same time as I did. I knew we both had the same goal: to save our baby brother. But as it turned out we didn't need to worry. Within seconds the Shredder was dead. I skidded to a stop, shocked at what just happened. I watched with wide eyes as Donnie pulled his bo out of the Shredder's body after stabbing him a second time. "Is this really happening?" I thought to myself. "I mean this can't really be happening. Donnie couldn't have just killed someone." If it were Raph or even Mikey I wouldn't have been surprised. But Donnie. My purple masked brother was the last person in the world I would have ever expected to kill someone. And he didn't even just kill him. He burned the body afterwards. That's what worried me the most. The fact that Donnie was so clam about the whole thing. But no one else was saying anything so I felt it was best that I didn't say anything as well. At least not until we got home. So we headed home and Donnie went into his room. "Donnie wait," I called out. "We should talk about what just happened." But he ignored me and just walked into his room and shut the door. I knocked on the door and called out, "Donnie c'mon let me in. I just want to talk." But out brother wasn't in the mood to talk. I continued knocking for a few more minutes hoping my younger brother would open the door and let me in. I knew how sensitive he was and I was really worried that he might be having some sort of mental break down after what just happened.

Mikey walked up to me and said "Just leave him be Miwa. He's had a rough night. We all have."

"I guess you're right Mikey," I said back. "I'll come back tomorrow and check on him." Then we headed into our room and got into bed. "I can't believe this is happening," I said as I climbed into bed.

"Yeah," Mikey said softly. "It just seams like a horrible nightmare."

"I wish that was all this was," I said, taking in a shaky breath. I meant to say it quietly so Mikey wouldn't hear me but I guess he did because I heard him get out of bed and went over to my bed and sat on the edge.

"It's gonna be ok sis," Mikey said, rubbing my back. "I promise you its gonna be ok. I'm here for you."

"Will you sleep in my bed?" I whispered. "Please." I knew I was acting like a little kid but quite frankly I didn't care. I needed my brother. And he needed me.

"Scoot over," Mikey said getting under the covers next to me. He put my arm around me and I could feel the hot tears going down my face and land on my brother's arm. I could tell Mikey was fighting hard not to start crying. I wasn't surprised by this. Mikey was always the tough one amongst the two of us. Always had been that way. Even when we were kids. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep. But my sleep was anything but peaceful. Mikey tossed and turned all night. I could tell he was having some sort of bad dream. I debated on waking him up but I remembered the last time I did that I had ended up getting punched in the face. So I decided to let him sleep and hope tomorrow would be a better day.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

The next morning I woke up to find Mikey gone. That surprised me because Mikey usually liked to sleep as long as possible. But then again he did have a lot to take care of today. Getting up I headed to the kitchen to get some food. I passed Donnie's room and heard Mikey trying to wake our brother but not having any luck. Sighing I decided to make Donnie some food. A few minutes later I was carrying the tray to his room. I knocked on the door but instead of waiting for a response I opened the door and went in. I saw Donnie turn his head as I entered the room.

"You've gotta eat Donnie," I said sitting the tray down on his nightstand.

"Not hungry," Donnie said flatly, turning over on his side so that his back was facing me. I let out a sigh and I sat on the side of his bed.

"Donnie I know its hard," I said softly. "Trust me its hard on everyone. But you'd feel a lot better if you talk about it." But my brother still remained silent. It frustrated me that Donnie was keeping his feelings inside. And I felt like I was the only one trying to help. Not just him but everyone else. Suddenly I felt tears going down my face as I pleaded with my second youngest brother. "Please talk to me Donnie," I whispered with a slight sniffle. "You don't have to keep it all inside." But still he remained silent and he pulled the covers over his head. I sighed once again. There was not point in talking to him when he was like this. I got off his bed and left his room. Moments later I heard the crashing of the plate on the wall. Letting out yet another sigh I decided to head to the kitchen. But to my shock I saw Raph coming out of the kitchen carrying Leo, with Mikey right behind them. I gave them a confused look and followed them to Leo's room. Once we go into Leo's room Raph put Leo in bed and covered him over.

"We can do this two ways Leo," he said. "Either you stay in bed willingly or I tie ya to the bed. Your choice. Either way you ain't gettin' out of this bed 'til your healed. Got it?"

"Raph.." Leo began. But he was cut off by our brother's angry shout.

"I ain't gonna argue with ya Leo!" he growled. His green eyes were filled with emotion. But it wasn't anger. It was an emotion I rarely saw in Raph. It was fear. Fear and helplessness. I could relate. I felt that same helplessness that he had with not being able to help my family.

"Leo Raph is just concerned about you," I said gently sitting on the edge of Leo's bed. "We all are."

"I know," Leo said with a sigh. "And I know I should be resting. And I'll do better about that. I promise."

"Damn right you are," Mikey said suddenly. My siblings and I looked at him with surprise and he said. "I won't lose you too Leo. I'll make damn sure of that. I won't lose you like we lost Father." Then without another word he turned and left the room. I let out yet another sigh as Mikey walked out of the lair.

"He's taking this all so hard," I whispered. "I tried talking to him but he just says he's fine and gets angry when I push. And now Donnie..." I trailed off. I knew if I continued I would lose it. I knew I had to keep it together for the sake of my other brothers.

"Donnie'll be ok," Leo said. "And so will Mikey. We all will. We just need some time to process all of this."

"Yeah," Raph said after a minute. "Maybe Mikey and Donnie should talk to Sp..." Suddenly he stopped mid-sentence and let out a grunt Raph turned and left the room as well, I following close behind him.

"Raph wait up," I called out, following my red masked brother into his room.

"Look Miwa I really don't wanna talk right now," Raph said, an edge to his voice.

"Raph you never want to talk," I said matter-of-factly. "Seams to run in the family since Mikey is the same way." Raph said nothing. He merely stared at me with his arms crossed. I knew he was trying to get me to leave. But that wasn't going to happen. I already had one brother that refused to talk to me and I'd be damned if I was going to have another brother that way. So I continued to talk. "Look Raph I know you like to keep the tough guy persona and pretend you're not hurting but I know you've gotta be hurting right now."

"Yeah 'cause you know me so well," Raph scoffed, rolling his green eyes. This was getting old fast. And quite frankly it was really pissing me off. So i decided to smack some sense into my second oldest brother the only way I could. So I let out a groan and smack him in the back of his head. Hard. "Hey!" Raph cried out rubbing the back of his head. "What the Hell was that for?"

"That was for being so damn stubborn," I cried out. "My God sometimes I'd like to take you and Mikey and knock your heads together. Maybe that'll knock some sense into you."

"Yeah good luck with that Miwa," Raph said rolling his eyes at me. Without waiting for me to respond Raph began to walk out of the room. But I wasn't about to let him go that easily. So I grabbed his arm and stopped him dead in his tracks. Raph began to jerk away but something made him stop. I'm not quite sure what it was but the next thing I knew Raph had tears in his eyes and I heard him curse out loud and he tried to turn away. That did the trick for me. I knew exactly what he needed So I threw my arms around him and whispered, "Its ok Raph. I miss him too." Raph said nothing. He didn't really need to at that point. He just wrapped his arms around me tightly as we both grieved for our father.

TMNTTMNTTMNT

Two weeks past and Leo was doing much better. Raph and I had been checking on him almost 24/7. Mikey came whenever he could but he was busy with his new position. April and Casey had been dropping in on us everyday after school. I had tried to check on Donnie but he barley acknowledged I was there. Still I made sure I dropped in on him everyday. That way he'd know I still cared about him On this particular day I was talking to Leo about how I'd been helping Mikey decided how to handle a situation in Japan. We had decided to let Kito's 2nd in command, Keno, handle things and he had returned to Japan. Leo opened his mouth to speak but suddenly we heard a loud crash. Exchanging looks of concern Leo and I got up and went into the living room. When we got there to our shock we saw Casey on the ground rubbing his head with Donnie looming over him. "Donnie?" Leo said walking towards our purple masked brother. "You ok?"

"What happened?" I asked, helping Casey to his feet.

"He got in my way," Donnie said his voice monotoned. "He should know what happens when you get in my way."

"Hey man all I did was ask if you were ok," Casey said angrily. "But clearly you're not since you just shoved me for no reason."

"Donnie what's going on with you?" Leo asked, standing in front of our brother. Donnie said nothing. He only stared at him. Just stared. I was tempted to say something but a voice inside me told me not to. So I was silent. "C'mon bro," Leo said gently. "Talk to me. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing is going on with me," Donnie said without emotion. "Nothing at all. Because that's all my life is now. Nothing." Then without another word Donnie turned and left the room.

"He's been like that ever since he killed Shredder," Raph said, suddenly appearing.

"I know," I said with a sigh. "I'm really worried about him." Just then Mikey came into the lair looking like he'd been put through the ringer.

"Mikey!" I exclaimed running over towards my little brother.

"What the Hell happened to you?" Raph chimed in, his green eyes wide.

"I'm fine," was all Mikey said. "I'm going to bed." With that he turned and tried to leave the room. But I wasn't about to let him leave without an explanation.

"Hold it right there Mikey," I said stepping in front him "You're not going anywhere until you tell us what's going on with you."

"Look Miwa the last time I checked you don't get to tell me what to do," Mikey snapped, sounding really annoyed with me. But quite frankly I didn't care. His attitude was annoying to me so why should I care if he was pissed with me "I've got enough problems without you pestering me. The damn Purple Dragons are back and Hun's being a little bitch and trying to steal from me. Well he learned that you don't mess with the Foot and get away with it. He won't be back anytime soon."

"Hold it Mikey," Leo said putting his hands on Mikey's shoulder. "I think you should take it easy. You're stressing yourself out too much. It isn't good for you."

"Oh for God's sake Leo give it a rest," Mikey snapped, clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Mikey I..." Leo began. But Mikey didn't give him a chance to finish.

"Stop!" Mikey shouted, his voice shaking with anger. "Just stop! You're not Father Leo! So stop acting like you could ever be him!"

"Mikey I wasn't..." Leo began. But once again Mikey cut him off.

"Yes you were Leo!" Mikey shouted. "You've been trying to be Father ever since he died! Well guess what big brother? You'll never be him! No matter what you do or how hard you try you'll never be him! All you'll ever be is a failure! So don't even bother trying!" With that Mikey turned and stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him. I just stood there in stunned silence. I looked over at Leo. He looked so devastated. I walked over and put my hand on his shoulder.

"He didn't mean what he said Leo," I said softly. "He's just angry at the world right now."

"I know," Leo said with a heavy sigh. "But that doesn't make what he said any less true."

"Well he ain't gonna get away with it," Raph growled.

"Raph don't.." Leo began.

"No Leo Mikey doesn't get to talk to you like that," Raph declared. "He's not the only one whose dealin' with stuff here. We all lost Splinter. But that doesn't give him a free pass." Before Leo could respond Raph stormed out of the room. A few minutes later we heard angry shouting followed by some cursing. Walking out of the room Leo and I went to make sure everything was ok. We saw Mikey's room door was shut but we still heard the heated fight that was happening in there. But my brother and I knew better than to try to stop it. Neither one of us wanted to end up with a black eye. So we decided to head to bed hoping that things would get better. But first I decided to check on Donnie. I figured he wouldn't talk to me but I still gave it a try. And I would keep trying until he talked to me. So I knocked on the door. "Donnie?" I called out. And as I predicted I was met with silence. Letting out another one of my famous sighs I went into the dojo to take out some of my anger and the punching bag. Damn it all why the Hell are my brothers so damn stubborn? Letting out a growl I slammed my fist into the wall. This caused one of the pictures to fall off the mantle and onto the ground. I picked up the picture and I saw it was the last picture Father had taken with all five of his children. I felt the tears fill my eyes and I slid to the ground. "Oh Father I miss you so much," I whispered. "I feel like this whole family is falling apart. I wish you were here." With that I buried my face in my arms and cried, all the stress was finally getting the better of me. I don't know how long I sat there crying before I layed down on the floor not having the will or the strength to get up.

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Another two weeks passed and all was not well with my family. Raph and Mikey had stopped speaking to each other, after their huge fight which had resulted in both of them receiving black eyes and broken fingers. Donnie still hadn't gotten out of his funk and was still speaking in a monotoned voice. But this was only when he talked to anyone, which was a rare occasion. We knew this change was due to the fact he had taken a life and was having a hard time dealing with it. Me and Raph and Leo tried to talk to him about it but he refused to discuss it. Mikey was struggling with his new role as leader of the Foot. We all knew it was because he was still feeling guilty about what had happened with Splinter. Finally one day I had had enough. I was to my breaking point and I knew the time had come to put an end to this. I grabbed Mikey and Donnie and forceably pulled them into the dojo. "We need to talk," I declared. Leo and Raph were also in the room at this point.

"Miwa I don't have the time for this," Mikey declared.

"Yes you do Mikey," I said, annoyed at my brother's attitude. "And you're gonna listen."

"Look we know you both are having difficulties dealing with all of this," Leo said. "But what happened wasn't your fault. Either one of you. Donnie you had to do what you did. Shredder wouldn't have stopped. He had to be taken care of. You've gotta stop blaming yourself. The same goes with you Mikey. There was nothing you could have done to save Splinter. Please. Both of you snap out of this. We need to stay together. Now more than ever."

"Easy for you to say Leo," Donnie said softly, causing everyone to look at him. This was the first time we had heard his normal voice in weeks. "I know Shredder had to be stopped," he continued. "But its still not easy living with that fact that I killed someone."

"We know Donnie," I said, kneeling in front of my brown eyed brother. "And we want to help you." I was just relieved that he was willing to talk to us. I was just hoping Mikey would feel the same way.

"We wanna help both of you two knuckelheads," Raph said. "So talk to us."

"They do have a point Donnie," Mikey said.

"Yeah I know," Donnie said. "And I'll try."

"Yeah same here," Mikey said.

"That's better," I said, relieved that Mikey was willing as well giving both of us hugs.

"Leo," Mikey began, looking at our blue masked brother with guilt filled eyes. "I..I'm so sorry bro. About what I said about you being a failure. I didn't mean it. I.."

"Its ok Mikey," Leo said wrapping Mikey into a hug. "I know you didn't mean it." I smiled at the scene. I knew that Leo would accept Mikey's apology. That was who Leo was. Raph was the one I was worried about. I knew my hotheaded brother loved to hold a grudge.

"I love you Leo," Mikey whispered, as the tears fell. "I love you all so much."

"I love you too little brother," Leo whispered back.

"Raph I'm sorry," Mikey said. But Raph merely held up his hand and said, "Don't." Without another word he pulled Mikey close. I was shocked that Raph accepted Mikey's apology so fast. But then again he and Mikey had the close bond between them. Plus Raph had a hard time staying mad at Mikey anyways. I heard Raph whisper "I love you little brother."

"I love you too Raph," Mikey whispered back.

"Donnie anything you'd like to say?" I asked looking at my purple masked brother.

"Just that I'm sorry I've been such a pain lately," Donnie said, lowering his brown eyes in shame. "Its just been so hard lately. I..I didn't know how to talk to you guys about how I was feeling. I just felt so...lost. Like with Splinter gone there was no one I could talk to. It..It just seamed like he was the only one who really understood me and knew just what to say. You know what I mean?" We all nodded in agreement. Father always made things better. It was who he was. Just then Leo let out a sob. Everyone looked at him and I could see his face turn bright red. I didn't blame him for sobbing. I felt like breaking down at that point myself. Leo opened his mouth to say something but before he could Donnie said, "It's ok Leo. It's ok to miss him." Leo tried to respond but no words came. The only thing that came was a chocked sob. Donnie pulled Leo close and Leo cried into his shoulder for a few minutes. Then Leo pulled away and looked at us with a small smile. "Feel better bro?" Donnie asked, with a small gap toothed smile.

"A little," Leo said, with a small smile of his own.

"C'mon you guys," Raph said with a wave of his hand. "Lets go call April and Casey and see about getting some grub."

"Sounds good to me," Mikey said. With that we went out to the living room to call our friends.

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A couple of weeks past and I was in the dojo practicing with Raph while Leo was with April watching TV. Donnie was in his lab while. Mikey was meeting with Keno about some business in Japan. Suddenly my brothers came bursting into the dojo.

"Guys what's wrong?" I asked, my eyes wide with concern.

"Casey just called" Donnie said. "He and Mikey need our help. Something about the Purple Dragons giving them trouble."

"Lets do this!" I shouted. I was actually kind of excited about going. This would be the first real fight we've had since Shredder's been gone. With that my family headed off to help our brother and friend.

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When we got to the docks we saw that Mikey and Casey did indeed have their work cut out for them. Hun and his Purple Dragons were getting the better of them despite having Keno and the Foot Bots helping them. After fighting off some of the guards suddenly the fighting stopped all together. Donnie had gotten to the middle of the dock, fully prepared to fight. However when the Purple Dragon saw him their faces went white and they dropped their weapons.

"What are you doing?!" Hun shouted. "Get them!"

"Uh ah," the Dragons said. "No way. We ain't messin' with the guy who killed the Shredder." With that the Purple Dragons turned a hightailed out of there with a furious Hun chasing after them. I just watched all of this to stunned to speak. Why in the world were those guys so afraid of Donnie? Then it dawned on me. They were afraid of him because he had killed the Shredder

"What just happened?" Leo wondered.

"I think they're afraid of me," Donnie said with a laugh.

"Yeah well they should be," Casey said putting his arm around Donnie. "You're pretty badass there killer." Donnie flinched a little when Casey called him "killer". Casey opened his mouth to say something but Donnie said, "Its ok Casey. I'm just glad its done."

"Yeah thanks for the help guys," Mikey said.

"'Bout time you asked for it Mikey," Raph muttered.

"Lets go home," Leo said. With that my family and I started to head home very satisfied by the day's events.

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Another two weeks past and things were much calmer at home. Mikey had become way more relaxed and had reached out to all of us for help. He had made me second in command so I was working along side Keno with making decisions. Raph and Casey were working along with the other Elite Guards in protecting the city. Donnie was put in charge of the new security systems, which thrilled him to no end. April was helping his with the computer aspects as much as she could. Leo was working in training all of us better so we could continue the path Father had wanted for us. I was thrilled that my family was finally back to normal. Well as normal as it could be without Father being there. As I went to bed that night my heart felt light for the first time in months. As I closed my eyes I swear I could so both my father and my mother next to me.

"We are so proud of you Miwa," my mother said with a smile. "You have become a very strong, wise and beautiful young women."

"We love you our child," Father said with a smile of his own. "And we are always here watching over you."

"I love you guys too," I whispered. I felt a single tear go down my cheek. But it wasn't out of sadness. It was out of pure joy. As I watched my parents fade out I knew everything was going to be ok.

 **A/N well there you have it folks ch 5 done. I think this may be the last chapter but I'm not sure. I may do April and Casey. Would you all be interested in that? Let me know in a review please.**


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